My Journey with Jesus to God

Ok. First off, I am not a blogger. I am not a great speller either...if you are a grammar police type person, you maybe should think about not reading this....or just accept my imperfections!! I plan on using spell check but you know what happens when you try to plan your life. God has other ideas. For me this is one of those. I am not entirely comfortable with this. I dont know what I am doing. And I am sharing something so personal and meaningful to me...please respect that. Also, I encourage comments and discussion. Part of why I am doing this is for me to learn. I do not want arguing or negativity...even from me you will find i lace all negativity with humor or at least if i say something bad i say something good right behind it!! I do try anyway... If I post something you know to be untrue, please inform me!

     I was sitting in church today and the pastor said someone just made a decision, God is telling me that its the right decision. well let me tell you just that second i made the decision to share this Journey with anyone who wanted to read about it. I thought this is the first time in decades i have been in a church. I know this is not the right one for me. I know other people are going through this as well...i have very little to no religious experiences.  I am 36 years old. The last time i was in a church i was ten. Dont get me wrong. there were weddings and funerals. things i couldnt get out of. but i can probably count on one hand the number of times....during that time i had just as much to do with God. It is only recently I even began questioning and searching. And let me tell you it has been one wild ride!! I have to share this. God put this in my heart and I know its right.


     I wanted to do this in a different format. But this is what i have. i cant bore you now...that would be bad. So i wont do my entire life story yet...it will come in peices i suppose...i do have to give a little.

I was ten when i decided i wanted to be baptized much to my mom and dads dismay! i knew little to nothing then. i just knew i felt good in church. and when i thought about it. i didnt know the bible or read it...i had not been going long....and i was ten....i dont remember a lot of it. they said no. I was brought back to that church and beat in the parking lot. I was not going to be baptized. So. a ten year old thinks God let this happen so He dont care if i believe or not. so why should i? I still strugle with that thought. but i know now God didnt do it. There were lots of other bad things that happened to me but like i said i am not going to bore you yet...that is when i decided God was not real. and i acted accordingly. So my life as an atheist began. and oh i was good at it. i learned so much. it was all wrong. Almost two years ago i picked up a book. i still remember it. Just to See you Smile by Sally John. hmm i hooe she does not sue me for using her name like that. but thats interesting...i have to tell the story of her....I was not looking for God or anything. I was really quite happy in my little sin nest i had going on in my life. but i love to read. i mean i LOVE to read. i read every day. sometimes i can finish a book in three days....sometimes it takes significantly longer. anyway someone was going through a hard time and i was at the library and saw the title {it was misplaced in the self help section} and grabed it to try to help my friend...I brought it home and wow. i read and cryed and cried and ccried. so what do i do? i go back and get every book they had by her. but sally writes in series....so they didnt have all of them. so i sent her an email. i asked about the ones we didnt have. i figured someone from the publishing company could answer my questions..no big deal! ha! SHE WROTE ME BACK HERSELF!! we talked for several months...but she started a book and we just lost touch. im sure shes very busy and dont have the time for me but i plan on sending her a link to this now that i am thinking of her. and edit her out of here if she wants me too....but the early readers will know....she is really a wonderful person! she was so helpful to me...and it started me reading a TON of religious books. i have never been one to like romance novels but i love some Amish romance novels!! i love falling in love with God over and over in the pages of books...so i decided to read the bible. but it is so hard.  i will tell about my wonderful bible study group later. i promise! i will even post a link to it if anyone is interested...it is a face book group....also, close to when i picked up that book, something happened in a hospital that is important and i will share it at a later time...the bible study group has already had the privilege but i will share here in a few days or a week...i will get to it..i promise!!

    So for over a year i read about God and one day i woke up and the first thought in my head was thank you God for sitting with me throughout the night and making sure i took each breath and that my heart beat each beat....thank you for holding my hand during my nightmares and lulling me back asleep so quickly....that was the day my Christian life began....not that long ago. THAT is when i decided to find a bible study. and let me tell you the one i found is great. i love it and i am so thankful i found them...God sent them to me i know for a fact...so many times i come close to quitting...but God knows what i need. As wonderful as they are and trust me i cannot toot their horns enough! i was still lacking something. but man i have angisitey bad. i have panic attacks expecally around people i do not know. new places new people not my thing. surely not alone. and i have no one to go with me...I was lacking something. not for their lack of trying. I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that something is a church... a place to go worship with others....

ok. thats the back story. now i will get to the first church service...next. now it is rest time!!