I am getting discouraged. It seams like the more I want to learn about God the more He is pulling away from me. You know it reminds me of how when God closes doors He does so for a reason, you are worth more than where that door will lead you, He only closes doors when He has a MUCH better plan for you. It seams to me that He keeps repeatedly closing the door on Himself to me....now I know thats not true. God is available to EVERYONE, but I ask for help and no one seams to hear....I look stuff up and it just confuses me more...I am frustrated and kinda mad right now. So, ok. maybe He is going to send a special teacher to me who will really get ME and help me the best to get closer to God. Maybe he is preventing me from learning something I will get confused on greatly and give up. Maybe he just wants to make me fight for Him just a little because he NEVER STOPPED FIGHTING FOR ME WHEN I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIM!!
All I know is that there IS a reason for it, and althougth I may never understand it, it will be ok, God has even this under control...I am going to give it a rest for a few hours then start fresh later....
We all go through these "peaks and valleys". Don't dwell on it too much, or worry about it. I believe that it's part of our human nature, as we are in a fallen state, not in the relationship we are supposed to be having with God. Due to Adam & Eve.
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