How God introduced Himself to Me (This is about three weeks after the Sally John book thing!)
My husband (I say husband, but we are not actually married, we have been together for almost nine years though) has been very sick for a very long time. At its worst, in the beginning, he was in a coma for a week. It was so horrible and stressful. I didnt have God in my life. I truly didnt know how He could help me. I was so lost and scared. I was surrounded by people and felt so very alone, I was losing the one person who had helped me and loved me and needed me. I couldnt do anything to help and I was so totally devastated. This could not be happening not now. Not yet.
At the time I smoked, so I went outside and was sitting all alone on a bench. It overlooked a pretty walkway and across the street is a playground. This was a weekend and a Sunday school was there. I assume it was a Sunday school, because they started singing. I didnt recognize the tune and couldnt really hear the words well...
About half way through this song I started crying and had no idea why. Suddenly through my tears I felt so perfectly at peace. I knew then I would have more time with my husband and I knew I was not alone. I also knew just that quickly God was with me. In that one moment my entire world changed. I started to notice things immediately but I am getting ahead of my self...
Back to me crying on the bench....I knew I had to find out about God and was finishing my cig, crying and thinking how I could do that. (I do not do well with people. I have panic attacks bad and honestly if I could never leave my home I would be thrilled!!) I came up with nothing...Anyway...This very pretty lady came and sat beside me. She was crying too. She was telling me about her day. She lost a close friend today in a car wreck. She is in an abusive relationship and was looking for a sign to leave him. She was praying as she was across the street at the revival...she looked over at the hospital "thinking if he puts me there will i ever get out?" Her words...and she saw a figure sitting (me) on the bench. She said her gaze lingered on me and she felt compelled to keep looking at me. Then suddenly I started to glow. She said all around me I had a glowing light and she felt forced to come to me and sit and talk to me. We talked for a very long time. Hours. We ate at the hospital. When I was with my husband she was in the waiting room. (Only 15 mins of visit per four hours in ICU.)
She knew God and she was looking for a sign to fulfill Gods wishes for her life. Trust me, God does not want you in an abusive relationship. God knew I needed him even if I knew next to nothing about Him. God chose to reveal Himself to me more fully and more quickly than normal because He knew I needed that to go to Him. God chose that moment to do it because she needed to know He wanted her to be safe...happy...whole..... He knew she needed a special sign and I needed a special assignment...
Without her I dont know that I would be here now even with the rest of it...but that He used me so strongly at the moment he decided I needed to know him...That has to mean something special for me...maybe I can help a lot more people...if I can I gladly will...Even if I have to leave my home and talk to ppl. Gladly, with a smile on my face.
I cannot overlook the fact that in that moment when I believe the light started I knew more about God and Jesus than was ever told to me...I had no way of knowing things I now know to be facts. That means something.
As a previous non believer, all the evidence does point to God...I will not turn my back on Him. He made me feel so loved so completely not alone even when there was noone else there. Since that moment He has proven over and over that He knows what I need and gives it to me. Even when I dont like it. Even when i fight it....He hasnt given up on me so I cant give up on Him.
Thats also why I kinda agree that maybe I dont need to understand it all right now..It will come...Gosh, that one moment...It was so amazingly perfect. I know what I felt was Heaven...I was given one brief moment of perfect utopia!! I want that. I need that. I will not give that moment up for anyone or anything.
Thats also why I kinda agree that maybe I dont need to understand it all right now..It will come...Gosh, that one moment...It was so amazingly perfect. I know what I felt was Heaven...I was givin one brief moment of perfect utopia!! I want that. I need that. I will not give that moment up for anyone or anything.
My husband (I say husband, but we are not actually married, we have been together for almost nine years though) has been very sick for a very long time. At its worst, in the beginning, he was in a coma for a week. It was so horrible and stressful. I didnt have God in my life. I truly didnt know how He could help me. I was so lost and scared. I was surrounded by people and felt so very alone, I was losing the one person who had helped me and loved me and needed me. I couldnt do anything to help and I was so totally devastated. This could not be happening not now. Not yet.
At the time I smoked, so I went outside and was sitting all alone on a bench. It overlooked a pretty walkway and across the street is a playground. This was a weekend and a Sunday school was there. I assume it was a Sunday school, because they started singing. I didnt recognize the tune and couldnt really hear the words well...
About half way through this song I started crying and had no idea why. Suddenly through my tears I felt so perfectly at peace. I knew then I would have more time with my husband and I knew I was not alone. I also knew just that quickly God was with me. In that one moment my entire world changed. I started to notice things immediately but I am getting ahead of my self...
Back to me crying on the bench....I knew I had to find out about God and was finishing my cig, crying and thinking how I could do that. (I do not do well with people. I have panic attacks bad and honestly if I could never leave my home I would be thrilled!!) I came up with nothing...Anyway...This very pretty lady came and sat beside me. She was crying too. She was telling me about her day. She lost a close friend today in a car wreck. She is in an abusive relationship and was looking for a sign to leave him. She was praying as she was across the street at the revival...she looked over at the hospital "thinking if he puts me there will i ever get out?" Her words...and she saw a figure sitting (me) on the bench. She said her gaze lingered on me and she felt compelled to keep looking at me. Then suddenly I started to glow. She said all around me I had a glowing light and she felt forced to come to me and sit and talk to me. We talked for a very long time. Hours. We ate at the hospital. When I was with my husband she was in the waiting room. (Only 15 mins of visit per four hours in ICU.)
She knew God and she was looking for a sign to fulfill Gods wishes for her life. Trust me, God does not want you in an abusive relationship. God knew I needed him even if I knew next to nothing about Him. God chose to reveal Himself to me more fully and more quickly than normal because He knew I needed that to go to Him. God chose that moment to do it because she needed to know He wanted her to be safe...happy...whole..... He knew she needed a special sign and I needed a special assignment...
Without her I dont know that I would be here now even with the rest of it...but that He used me so strongly at the moment he decided I needed to know him...That has to mean something special for me...maybe I can help a lot more people...if I can I gladly will...Even if I have to leave my home and talk to ppl. Gladly, with a smile on my face.
I cannot overlook the fact that in that moment when I believe the light started I knew more about God and Jesus than was ever told to me...I had no way of knowing things I now know to be facts. That means something.
As a previous non believer, all the evidence does point to God...I will not turn my back on Him. He made me feel so loved so completely not alone even when there was noone else there. Since that moment He has proven over and over that He knows what I need and gives it to me. Even when I dont like it. Even when i fight it....He hasnt given up on me so I cant give up on Him.
Thats also why I kinda agree that maybe I dont need to understand it all right now..It will come...Gosh, that one moment...It was so amazingly perfect. I know what I felt was Heaven...I was given one brief moment of perfect utopia!! I want that. I need that. I will not give that moment up for anyone or anything.
Thats also why I kinda agree that maybe I dont need to understand it all right now..It will come...Gosh, that one moment...It was so amazingly perfect. I know what I felt was Heaven...I was givin one brief moment of perfect utopia!! I want that. I need that. I will not give that moment up for anyone or anything.
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