Courage...

    As a new Christian I not only want to SET a good example of what people see, I want to LIVE a good example of my whole life. I do not want to be a do as I say not as I do Christian. I want for every action and thought I have to be worthy. That is unrealistic but it is a good thing to strive for....Being a new christian is not easy by any means! I am always questioning everything I do and think. Is this a christian thought? Should I say something? Should I do or not do this? One thing I am glad does not need changing is the way I dress. Because of things in my past I have always dressed modestly. Jeans and baggy shirts although I am waring more blouses now instead of just T-shirts! Never dresses. I do think I need to start waring a few dresses, I think I will start looking for a cut one but you can bet it will go past my elbows and almost to my ankles. That is just me and always has been.

My favorite color has always been orange. I never ware it because I dont like looking like a caution cone walking down the road lol. But when I think of orange I think of lions and when I think of lions I think of courage! For me orange has always been associated with courage. I have never thought of myself as courageous. Not ever, in fact, quite the opposite! But that is changing rapidly! It takes TONS of courage to sit down at a table of atheists and pray before you eat! (which I dont do every time and is hard for me to remember....I am learning and it will become second nature soon enough! God knows my heart and is fine tuning me slowly and quickly at the same time!) It takes courage to believe in God and to know Jesus when sin is all around you, being surrounded by sin and having it dominate your life is a hard place for a christian to be let me tell you!! It takes a bunch of courage to tell my friend I dont want to do something I used to do all the time because it would hurt God. It takes a lot of courage to want to change so completely and totally! To let God work His wonders in my life. It takes courage to trust and believe in something that you have never known. To let His will be done in my life is unbelievably amazing. It is painful too. Noone said this was easy! Oh no, its not! I have already lost friends who do not approve of my new life. Thats OK. God will give me more friends who love Him like I do...it still hurts....


As a new christian, my morals and my values are changing minuet by minuet!! The more I learn the more I change....it is really amazing!

Yet I still have moments of doubt, being so new its not surprising.  Being raised an atheist and having believed that all my life until recently it is to be expected I suppose...  But it is hard to talk about, when you have fleeting moments of doubt and more so when they linger a while. Its not shameful or uncommon. I have been told if you dont have doubts, there is usually a problem, and its usually with honesty! I dont know the truth of that statement but I liked it and it helped me so I take it at face value!