Who am I??

Who am I? Does God know? Does He care?Are you listening, Are you there? It only makes sense to ask the Maker why He made what He made. Since we all look different our purposes can't all be the same. I am someone. An individual. Who's mostly confused and partially spiritual. Looking to answer this question. Praying the Maker will respond.

I am alienated, an outcast and sometimes, oppressed. I am never enough, always unworthy. Always unwelcomed and unaccepted. I am week, my soul takes flight, I have no rights....I watch life pass by through the window and I am so afraid to go join in, I am just going to mess up, be ridiculed and laughed at. They will look at me and laugh or be scared and run from me. Either way~its not fun to be me.

I am so messed up. I struggle with sin. Sometimes sin seams to win. Then I pray and the light shines sometimes it is just a dull twinkle but I see the light. It does not change how I feel, just how I deal with feeling so alone and isolated.  Playing hide and seek...seeking God on Sundays but hiding the rest of the week...I become a master of disguise, not letting Jesus change my life... I celebrate Christmas but have never celebrated Christ... Changing nothing, expecting changes to be made for me....Show me my worth...Show me how to live without all this heavy baggage....

Dear God, its me again, I am really needing an answer to this prayer I have been praying since I became a Christian...Who is the new me? I know the old me and I sure dont want to be her anymore. I feel You changing me daily, moment by moment...But what are you molding me into? By now, you know me well, please keep my gaze fixed on you, show me how to love you, how to love another person, a friend, show me how to be human. Show me how to live a life worthy of you. A life that anyone can look at and plainly see You in it....

I only see my flaws, consider my mistakes. Lets face it, I have made some pretty stupid mistakes. Done horrible things. This enemy is controlling my emotions...I need your solution not a false illusion. I need to act now, not regret doing nothing later...I dont want to throw You away. I dont see a way.

There is no point in pretending, this is a last ditch effort...Show me You are in my life. Show me what I am doing right and wrong. Put people in my path who I need and who may need me. Please, God, help me. I need You. I need to feel as special and precious as they say I am to You. I need you to show me love because I dont know it...I need hope....