Under Construction...

I feel like I am imploding! Last time there was an election, I was not a christian, I did not have very good morals and values, I have never before thought to add my Christianity to my political opinion. So on FB, a social media site, I was having a conversation about abortion, I started spouting out my old beliefs, the way I used to think and I even threw in some Christian warm and fuzzy distorted words...I really thought I still felt that way. Then someone else asked me about a post I did about the president. Now I have church in the morning but I cannot sleep because I am going over and over both conversations. I made mistakes in both conversations!

I am not a republican. I do not think I am a democrat any longer either...What I am is under construction! And about abortion, I still just dont see how making it illegal will help anything...but I just dont feel the way I used to. I am unsure how I feel really. I am confused, first and foremost, I do not want to do anything wrong...I want to be as pure as possible which will do little good to anyone but me lol....I dont want to make God cry, or angry, I also dont want to think the wrong thoughts or feel the wrong way. All of that is next to impossible really, we all will fail miserably!!

I keep getting blindsided with this....everything in my life is changing, and I dislike change, but this change is different. I wonder when I will stop being surprised when I notice God working to change me and me belief system! It really throws me off when this happens, it is scary and such a relief at the same time. I have a whole lot of thinking to do. A bunch of changes to make. I dont know who I am turning into but I KNOW I am changing into Gods child, the one I should have been all along! I feel so cheated that I wasnt raised christian, that I didnt take one of several opportunities to become one earlier in my life!

Noone told me it would be like this, and I am glad, I would never have become christian in the first place. Fortunately, now that I am a christian, I could not change that even if I wanted to and tried to. I can never go back to unbelief. It is just not going to happen, period! When someone asks me who I am, my answer is no longer Amanda, It is "A follower of Jesus Christ, my lord and savior!" It has become my new center, my one unchangeable thing, like my name used to be. Loving God and following Jesus is now everything to me! It is me, who I am, and what I do. I belong to NOONE, not even myself, anymore EXCEPT for God, through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit...

So, God has chosen to put an "under construction" sign on my life with a highlight on my morals and values and belief system for now. My opinions are constantly changing, evolving even throughout a conversation! It is oddly refreshing! To know that I can be anything God wants me to do, think anything He chooses to throw my way, I dont have to please anyone except Him. I dont have to be the old me and I never have to be her again! That is such a relief!