forgiving others....

 I told someone that one of my mottos in life was have a heart that forgives the worst, always thank people for everything, always look for at least one good thing about everyone pray for those you love and like and pray harder for the ones you dont like and cant seam to love.

She said, "Some people do not deserve forgiveness or thanks. Some people dont deserve prayer and  some people dont have any good in them...."

God asks us to forgive for a reason. it is poison to the person holding the grudge.  this may be the ONLY time that person is faced with a Christian response that will impact them, how can we not forgive them when God does? how can we expect God to forgive us when we cant forgive each other? 

if I dont want to pray for you, who does? I will because i dont know who else is and God hears even one prayer...

if someone does something, i thank them, even if i dont like it because God said He will work all things out for our good...even the bad....

if i cant find just one good thing about someone, i am not looking thats for sure. even evil has good characteristics how else can it entice a christian??

for me, having forgiveness in my heart and a prayer on my lips and good thoughts in my head shows me how awesome God really is...i sometimes want to stay mad for a while and i now find it hard to do so. that irks me. but i would rather have love in me than hate and that hardness it brings...God is doing things in my life and my body that is amazing.....!!! 

Thank you God and all my friends and family i love you all!!

The Story of Life…

I found this on the internet. It was touching so I am sharing it....Thanks to my friend that shared this....you know who you are....



The Story of Life…

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, to teach you a lesson or to help you figure out who you are, or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be, possibly your roommate, neighbor, coworker, long-lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger, but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes in life, things may happen to you that seem horrible, painful, and unfair, but in reflection, you find that without overcoming those obstacles, you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. "If you want a rainbow, you have to put up with the rain."

Everything happens for a reason, nothing by chance or by means of luck, it happens because it is meant to be. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity, all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road leading to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, yet dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet that will affect your life, will be the success and downfalls you experience though out life, they are who will help you create the person you will grow to become, even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are the most important experiences because, "Failure teaches success."

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open you heart, how you must only give to the ones who are worthy of being loyal.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but also because in a way they are teaching you about how to love, have trust and about loyalty. Give them that chance to give and receive what they deserve for and from you. "Everything in life is temporary because everything changes, that's why it takes great courage to love, knowing it might end anytime, but having the faith that it will last forever."

Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything you possibly can because that may be the only time in your life you will ever have that experience.

Meet new people you have never met before, talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen to what they have to say, it might teach you something valuable, but always remember who your true friends are, "A true friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words".

Let yourself live, love, and break free, make no boundaries, for you can accomplish anything as long as your heart is into it. This is your life, you run the show! Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a special individual and there is no other out there the same as you. Believe in yourself, for it will be hard for others to believe in you. "If you don't stand up for something, you will fall for anything". You are in control and you can create your own life, so take chances, and go out and live it with absolutely no regret. "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be".

Most importantly, if you love someone tell him or her, for you never know what tomorrow will bring. Don't let one moment pass because it could change you forever. Don't ever fear life, because "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger". Learn a valuable lesson in each day that you live. "The rich person is not who has the most but who needs the least".

Life is too short to take seriously, so remember to begin each day with a smile…"Never frown, you never know who might be falling in love with your smile." Everyone who walks through your door will make you happy, some on the way in and some on the way out…but always remember to leave the door to your heart open because you never know what may come your way. Believe in Karma, because what comes around really does go around.

20 Scriptural FACTS Every Christian Should Know

20 Scriptural FACTS Every Christian Should Know -
Appointed by GOD for Eternal Life - Acts 13:48 (cf. John 17:2-3)
Blessed by GOD - Ephesians 1:3ff
Born of GOD - John 1:13 (cf. 1 John 2:29, 3:9, 4:7, 5:1-5, 5:18)
Called by GOD - 2 Timothy 1:9 (cf. Romans 8:29-30)
Chosen by GOD Before Time - Ephesians 1:4ff
Chosen by GOD for Salvation - 2 Thessalonians 2:13
Energized by GOD - Philippians 2:13
Foreknown by GOD - Romans 8:29-30 (cf. 1 Peter 1:2)
Given by GOD - Hebrews 2:13 (cf. John 6:37, 6:65, 17:2-6)
Glorified by GOD - Romans 8:29-30
Justified by GOD - Romans 3:30, 4:5, 8:30-33
Loved by GOD - Romans 5:8, 8:39
Made Alive by GOD - Ephesians 2:4-5 (cf. Colossians 2:13)
Predestined by GOD - Romans 8:29-30 (cf. Ephesians 1:5-11)
Prepared by GOD - Romans 9:23 (cf. Ephesians 2:10)
Preserved by GOD - 1 Thessalonians 5:23 (cf. Psalm 37:28)
Purchased by GOD - Acts 20:28
Sanctified by GOD - 1 Thessalonians 5:23
Saved by GOD - 2 Timothy 1:9
Sealed by GOD - 2 Corinthians 1:21-22


There are many many scriptural facts we should all know....these are just a few...give me some more....what are a few that YOU often refer to??

Why was Jesus born in a manger, a barn?

Why was Jesus born in a manger, a barn? Well, I dont honestly know, but all through the Old Testament, they were sacrificing animals to God for just about everything. Jesus was God's ultimate sacrifice....His own son, a part of Himself, He sacrificed for every person on Earth....so it makes sense that since all other sacrifices start that way, that Jesus's life also start the same way....Just a thought...

I am...

I am worthless.
I am a waste of space,
a sorry excuse of a human.
Just look at me,
no wonder he dont want to be seen with me
I am an embarrassment.
If I want to believe in God,
I have to believe I am a mistake,
I cannot be saved,
I am unworthy.
I am a failure.
I cant do anything,
I have no worthwhile talents.
Things I do are stupid,
People feel sorry for me,
Thats all, noone cares.
My opinions are stupid,
noone cares what I think.
I dont deserve to live.
I dont deserve happiness.
I hate myself because of you and you I AM'S!!

Words Matter

The words you use to and in front of your children~as well as anyone else~ does matter! Remember you are trying to exude Christianity, forgiveness and love among other things! You are trying to raise good Godly Christian children. When someone you dont know sees you in action at any point in your day, they should see God in your life. Thats the goal I am setting for me, it is unrealistic and I will fail, but I will never stop trying.

One of the most dangerous words in the English language. Almost. The devil only tells lies when it is ALMOST the truth....isnt that amazing?!?! An almost Christian looks right but lives wrong.

Another one. Try. Dont try, just DO!! When you try to do something, you are giving yourself permission to fail. I will try to come to the party. I will try not to run a red light. I will try to read the Bible more. Now reread those without the word try. Do you see the difference? Never try, trying is leaving it open to not finishing, for failure....

Revenge. Trying to "get someone back" for something that they said or did is not only a lack of forgiveness.  It keeps us living in the past. Ladies and Gentlemen, we do not live in the past for a reason! Revenge is a killer of growth and maturity, it only creates unhappiness and frustration! Move forward, create the life you want, the one God wants for you.

Blame. When you blame others for how you feel or think or for things you do you are GIVING THEM POWER OVER YOUR LIFE. How you feel is your own responsibility, why give others the power to make you miserable?

"Like a girl." Never tell you daughter she did anything "like a girl" how else is she supposed to do it? "Like a man?" You are humiliating her, it puts her down, teaches her that she is weak, not as good as men.  And telling you son that only teaches him that girls are "less than" boys. It subconsciously allows him to not respect women!

Ok, so that has little to do with religion but hey, its what was on my mind. I have been thinking a lot about the words I use and how they limit me. Or make failure an option!

I need water because this life has been a tough pill to swallow. I need that living water. Why make it worse with language? lol

Do All Things With A Pure Heart

1 Cor 16: 14
Let all that you do be done in Love.

This, ladies and gentleman, even means good deeds! If you hate the soup kitchen you serve food at for the homeless people you dont want to be around it does not count. You then get an attitude, put off a vibe everyone around you notices. You are not helping these people but confirming their fears that they are shunned and unwanted, unloved.

If you are helping your elderly neighbors carry groceries inside just because last time she paid you ten dollars and you expect it again, it is no longer a kindness out of your heart. If you are helping the little old lady cross the street just because you are late and it is faster (and not because you want to make sure she is safe or because you want to help) it become a duty not a service. Those treasures are wooden and worthless to God. They dont count. Your heart, the reason you do things, matters! It matters greatly!

Sometime you have to say something the person you are saying it to may consider mean. If someone is sinning and they dont realize it, they should be told. I would want to be told if I was slipping farther and farther from Jesus and not realizing it! Sometimes in a situation like that, it can get tense and upsetting, but it can be done in love and with kindness!!

It is my dream to work (a paid job) at some kind of place that services the homeless or children. I have no job experience though, no training. I doubt I could find a job anywhere much less one I want. God is working slowly in my life right now, I am trying to make plans but He is not making a way yet. It is just not time I guess....I need a job and I need help. God knows what I need. Please pray for me!

Under Construction...

I feel like I am imploding! Last time there was an election, I was not a christian, I did not have very good morals and values, I have never before thought to add my Christianity to my political opinion. So on FB, a social media site, I was having a conversation about abortion, I started spouting out my old beliefs, the way I used to think and I even threw in some Christian warm and fuzzy distorted words...I really thought I still felt that way. Then someone else asked me about a post I did about the president. Now I have church in the morning but I cannot sleep because I am going over and over both conversations. I made mistakes in both conversations!

I am not a republican. I do not think I am a democrat any longer either...What I am is under construction! And about abortion, I still just dont see how making it illegal will help anything...but I just dont feel the way I used to. I am unsure how I feel really. I am confused, first and foremost, I do not want to do anything wrong...I want to be as pure as possible which will do little good to anyone but me lol....I dont want to make God cry, or angry, I also dont want to think the wrong thoughts or feel the wrong way. All of that is next to impossible really, we all will fail miserably!!

I keep getting blindsided with this....everything in my life is changing, and I dislike change, but this change is different. I wonder when I will stop being surprised when I notice God working to change me and me belief system! It really throws me off when this happens, it is scary and such a relief at the same time. I have a whole lot of thinking to do. A bunch of changes to make. I dont know who I am turning into but I KNOW I am changing into Gods child, the one I should have been all along! I feel so cheated that I wasnt raised christian, that I didnt take one of several opportunities to become one earlier in my life!

Noone told me it would be like this, and I am glad, I would never have become christian in the first place. Fortunately, now that I am a christian, I could not change that even if I wanted to and tried to. I can never go back to unbelief. It is just not going to happen, period! When someone asks me who I am, my answer is no longer Amanda, It is "A follower of Jesus Christ, my lord and savior!" It has become my new center, my one unchangeable thing, like my name used to be. Loving God and following Jesus is now everything to me! It is me, who I am, and what I do. I belong to NOONE, not even myself, anymore EXCEPT for God, through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit...

So, God has chosen to put an "under construction" sign on my life with a highlight on my morals and values and belief system for now. My opinions are constantly changing, evolving even throughout a conversation! It is oddly refreshing! To know that I can be anything God wants me to do, think anything He chooses to throw my way, I dont have to please anyone except Him. I dont have to be the old me and I never have to be her again! That is such a relief!

Who am I??

Who am I? Does God know? Does He care?Are you listening, Are you there? It only makes sense to ask the Maker why He made what He made. Since we all look different our purposes can't all be the same. I am someone. An individual. Who's mostly confused and partially spiritual. Looking to answer this question. Praying the Maker will respond.

I am alienated, an outcast and sometimes, oppressed. I am never enough, always unworthy. Always unwelcomed and unaccepted. I am week, my soul takes flight, I have no rights....I watch life pass by through the window and I am so afraid to go join in, I am just going to mess up, be ridiculed and laughed at. They will look at me and laugh or be scared and run from me. Either way~its not fun to be me.

I am so messed up. I struggle with sin. Sometimes sin seams to win. Then I pray and the light shines sometimes it is just a dull twinkle but I see the light. It does not change how I feel, just how I deal with feeling so alone and isolated.  Playing hide and seek...seeking God on Sundays but hiding the rest of the week...I become a master of disguise, not letting Jesus change my life... I celebrate Christmas but have never celebrated Christ... Changing nothing, expecting changes to be made for me....Show me my worth...Show me how to live without all this heavy baggage....

Dear God, its me again, I am really needing an answer to this prayer I have been praying since I became a Christian...Who is the new me? I know the old me and I sure dont want to be her anymore. I feel You changing me daily, moment by moment...But what are you molding me into? By now, you know me well, please keep my gaze fixed on you, show me how to love you, how to love another person, a friend, show me how to be human. Show me how to live a life worthy of you. A life that anyone can look at and plainly see You in it....

I only see my flaws, consider my mistakes. Lets face it, I have made some pretty stupid mistakes. Done horrible things. This enemy is controlling my emotions...I need your solution not a false illusion. I need to act now, not regret doing nothing later...I dont want to throw You away. I dont see a way.

There is no point in pretending, this is a last ditch effort...Show me You are in my life. Show me what I am doing right and wrong. Put people in my path who I need and who may need me. Please, God, help me. I need You. I need to feel as special and precious as they say I am to You. I need you to show me love because I dont know it...I need hope....

Womans Meetings and Riding In The Car With The Girls...

Today was my first Womans Meeting at the church! It was awesome! We did a little with the Bible but mainly today we celebrated a ladys birthday. It was just real nice. there were 13 of us there...I counted at least ten times because I hate that number...a throw back from my atheist days and a bad luck symbol....but I know now that kind of thing has no power in my life anymore...anyway so I know there were 13 of us....Another woman had to leave early to go to her daughter who is making her a grandma! Yeah! New life is so amazing! We talked about a lot of things. They even took an interest in me which kinda shocked me because I am so new...noone really knows me except the ones I go with...But I shouldnt be shocked anymore...they have been great form the first. I still get a little uncomfortable with all the touching and hugging but its really nice to feel cared for. It dont feel forced or put on for a show..it feels real. And its getting better. And my mother in law is still looking out for me...she has been completely amazing! I have known her for years, but I am getting to know her now and shes really cool. And her friends are too. Anyway...she stopped someone form a possible mistake of too soon yet and I am glad she did. Because I am not ready for what could have happened not yet. At the end we prayed. And let me tell you about this...they pray out loud, each one separately and all at the same time...so its like you have ten radios on all on different stations and volumes...we prayed for what felt like a long time, but it was a good time...I was looking around amazed how everyone just flows together...like my ears tuned in to one voice and then the next and the next and they were all praying for the same things not always at the same times but still...And yes, I prayed, but I am a silent praying kind of gal...so far anyway....but they all prayed for my mom which touched my heart. I felt so comfortable there! God is good!! I am thankful I have found this church and these people!

So coming home, my mom in law and her friend who was driving were in front and her friends neighbor was in the back with me. We had such a great time! We laughed the whole way back! We told funny little stories. I felt included which is not easy when you have a group of friends, mom in law and her friend, and i dont know well they each know the friends neighbor but then I am a basic stranger to everyone. I have spent time with mom in law and some with her friend but its different now. before it was based on my spouse, thats how we all knew each other, now its based on God and it feels different it even looks different...So anyway, we are cutting up and I am actually talking and opening up, something of a first, and i catch myself cursing. i said butt but not so nice....i dint even notice until the next sentence oops its kinda hard to shove a word out of someones ear and back in your mouth when you say something wrong...No one said a word or even looked at me odd, but I knew and it bothered me. I did it again twice stopping mid word both times but damage done...still noone said anything or even acted like they noticed....but I did. And I thought I was doing so good with that. But I didnt say nothing too horrible however telling your wife her behind does not look big is the same as stealing in Gods eyes....So now I know I need to protect my mouth better. I wonder how thats going to work....but let me say this..before I could make a sailor blush...I am doing incredibly well but I thought I had it licked. I think I just felt too comfortable with them and reverted back to friendship style that I know...I think I can shape it up. I dont think it will be too difficult either...I think its just my default to go to that type of language. I can unlearn that...It may take time, but its not difficult. Just takes discipline. I wonder if I did this the other day and just didnt notice...I dont think so because I was more watchful and less at home. Today just took my walls down. I hope it stays like this between us all. that would be great! Thank you God for this time in my life!!

Defining sin...

Defining sin is tricky. Everyone knows killing and lying and steeling is a sin. But there is more to biblical sin than the obvious.

It will include holding on to such emotional reactions as unforgiveness, anger, hatred, bitterness, resentment, fear, shame, guilt, self-rejection, self-hatred, death wishes and many other attitudes that negatively affect our relationship with God.

When people are physically or emotionally abused, they naturally react in anger. Such a reaction is not a sin (see Eph. 4:26). But it is the holding of the anger, allowing it to become unforgiveness, that is sinful and internally damaging.

Many people suffer from self-condemnation, self-rejection and even self-loathing. In spite of the value God puts on us, a value we often know only in our heads, our feelings toward ourselves may be quite negative. Many people are holding anger toward God.

Sin includes the failure to do what is right. You see someone picking on a kid, you have to step in. You see someone stealing, you have to say something... Sin includes not loving each other as yourself. And the Bible teaches that sin involves a condition in which the heart is corrupted and inclined toward evil.

 Rejecting Gods plan and purpose for us is also a sin. Yes, defining what is a sin is no easy task. Think about it for a bit and see if you can find some hidden sin in your life, I know I have more than my fair share, however,  I -like everyone- evolve and change daily. I dont know what all sins are in my life, but I love finding out and fixing it. The absolute worst thing that could happen is I find some peace and joy and grow closer to God and Jesus. Thats not too shabby....

Communion and Mother in Laws

Communion at the church I attend is only done on the first Sunday of the month. If there is a special holiday I am sure they make special arrangements for it, adding one or changing when it is done. They say it is so we dont become desensitized to what it means to take communion. I get that. Today is the first Sunday of the month...so when I got there and found out we were going to partake in this I kinda panic. I have never done it and dont believe I have ever witnessed it either...

My first thought....I kid you not!....I am not Catholic, I cant take communion! I am not going to a Catholic church and have only been in one, for a wedding, ever. Why that came to my mind and out of my mouth I have no idea. So we establish that I do not need to be Catholic as no one else there is Catholic anyway...And still, I am not baptized, I cannot take communion if you are not baptized can you? Apparently, yes, you can...Still, I balk.

I am so unsure and thoughts are going through my head and the trays are getting closer and closer to me. But I listen to the preacher, and its like hes talking just to me for a little bit...and I become ok just like that. I take my little wafer (it is not an unpleasant smell but i wouldnt call it a pleasant one either....) and the "wine" (i put " around wine because I am unsure if it was wine or grape juice. I am pretty sure its grape juice because I am an alcoholic and I dont feel like I had a sip of wine and I would feel that I believe... that and he was encouraging kids [of a certain age]to partake.)

So he wants us to wait and all take it together. He talked about it and prayed over it. It was nice really. It was my first communion and now I am crying lol!! Ok. It was my first communion and it was special and it meant alot to me. More than I ever imagined.

I had the best day. My mother in law brought me and her friend who drove us out to eat and back to her house for the day. We spent a lovely afternoon outside on the porch swing in the nice mosquito free weather... We went back to church tonight and the music was pretty awesome tonight....so was the message...I will do something on that later because I wrote it down because the whole concept needed some studying lol.

So my Mom in law is having surgery in a few weeks and she wont be able to drive for a few months. But shes the BEST! She has found a way for me to get to at least most of the services even when she cant go...so I dont have to look for a closer one and start all over. I can stay where I am learning. And they have started a womens night thing at the church. I dont know what it will entail, I have never been to one. I have no clue. One day, soon, I will not be in the dark anymore! I will know what to expect and what is expected....It is Tuesday nights. I cant wait..I find the more I learn the more I want....

God and "Daddies"

Ok, let me explain this first. God was not even a concept for me growing up. Not until I got to school and kids started talking about this God thing did I even know the word and a concept was not drawn until much later. I was maybe nine or ten when I went to church the first time! So by the time I ever thought of God, comparing Him to my father was out of the question. I have never ever done that. I hear that trips a lot of people up.

As far as daddys go I know the best daddy in the world! My sons adoptive father! He did all the things daddys are susposed to do with their kids, and my son wasnt even his! That didnt change after he adopted him either I know. I am thankful I have that image of Brad on the floor teaching our Justyn to crawl and making him laugh just to see our boy smile. Of him coming home and yelling "Family Hug". I would run and get Justyn so fast and later, he would run to me and grab my hand dragging me to the door for our hugs...When someone says now that God is like your father, that is what I think of. Not only that, but when Justyn through a fit and hit his brother, his dad put him in a time out. When Justyn ran in the street, he got a spanking. Fathers, good fathers. the best fathers, they discipline their children! God does not spank or put you in a time out per say but he does discipline you! He lets you know if you care to listen and feel...yes, sometimes you can FEEL a wrong decision...and the right one too...

But God is NOT human therefor He does not have human emotions. I have known God and Jesus for maybe a year. I have known versions of them longer, but only about a year with the real deal...I love Jesus deeply.  I cannot imagine how much He loves ME!!! Two things....One....God allowed His son, who is an extension of Him, to be killed in such a painful and humiliating way so I could be saved. And Two... i have known God for about a year as I said, but He has known me since BEFORE TIME BEGAN!!! How deep does His emotions run really?

God made us in His image but He did not want us to make Him in our image! God is not self seeking, egotistical. anger driven, moody, mean, He IS NOT HUMAN....we do not know the emotions we have in common with Him, or what He has that we have no ideas about...I for one never think of God as a dad...He is my ultimate parent, better than mom or dad and not in the same class as either!

Judging and Learning!!

One thing I have learned is that I have been "judging a book by its cover" here and it needs to stop. I caught myself thinking about church today because it is Wednesday and my mom in law didnt call, so I assume shes still sick and I will keep praying for her. But anyway, I was thinking of it and I keep saying things like not yet or when....like I expect bad things to happen. Yes, I had a really bad experience with one church from that group, but judging one church on one service is a huge stretch and judging a whole denomination on one service in one church is simply ridiculous!! I just need to relax and stop expecting negativity! I keep wanting more and more. To be around people who believe, to learn about God and Jesus and His word...

Learning for me is so different though! So many of the stories in the Bible intertwine...you really need other knowledge to get the whole picture, and when you have been raised in a church or have been going a long time, when you have read the bible several times over, you KNOW these things, it becomes second nature and you cant imagine someone NOT knowing this fact that you know like the value of a dollar...so when you hear a story, you get it. When I hear a story I am like what? why this and how that and what does this mean...and let me tell you people get sick of all the questions!! They actually get mean. Its sad really. Just say you dont know. I get it. Not everyone is a teacher! I know I am not! Dont get mad because you just know these things and not why you know them.

I understand the Bible says it, I believe it, the end. But I want to know more....I have to...I need to learn all I can. It will be very important and soon too. I dont know why or how I know that but I do...It gets so frustrating only being able to go as fast as someone wants to teach me, but everyone has a life!! That cant be put on hold, not for me! I cant learn on my own like that, I never have been able to, I need strict guidance and tutoring by someone with the patients of a saint, the knowledge of an angel, and the teaching ability from God....I need a line by line, book by book explanation...commentary. I have not been able to find anything like I need except one wonderful lady who is doing it all herself! I am so thankful, she is so perfect for teaching me! The woman has a life and is going back to school and has medical issues and family things...she preaches at two or three places I believe...So as much as she can do for me, she really does. I know she HAS to be neglecting some of her life to teach me, and I am thankful! But as I said, it is slow....God wants me with her though I know that...I feel that....But there is also more time I can dedicate to Him, so I am looking for something else...maybe another angle of learning or start in other books...

I dont know. I know the little I have tried to go beyond her has been met with frustration, on everyone's parts...I often think of giving up. I feel like God does not want me to learn about Him sometimes. He has put so many obstacles  up for me. I didnt think it would be like this, I thought all the knowledge I wanted would be at me fingertips but I cant find nothing I can learn from! Not on my own without guidance! I know what is likely going on but I hate waiting! God has better plans for me if I can just hold on for a little bit...but HOW LONG until You send me that one special teacher You want me to have??

Or there is something I need to change first...there is so much that should change and quickly too but there is not a way yet. I trust God will put it in place for me, I just dont know how or when...I know what I want and what He wants for me are probably worlds apart, and His will be tons better~I just have to listen and do what He wants me to do....

Beautiful Thoughts....

THESE ARE NOT MY WORDS!!

But it is beautiful  . I want to find a preacher who preaches like this...With the original meanings of words and such...


And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.”
Matthew 8:20
I find what Jesus said in Matthew 8:20 so beautiful. Let me tell you why. In the original Greek text, the word “lay” is a very unique Greek word, klino. It is seldom used in the New Testament. The only other place it is used in terms of Jesus resting His head is at the cross. When Jesus hung on the cross and cried, “It is finished,” the Bible says that “He bowed His head, and gave up the ghost” (John 19:30, KJV). The word “bowed” here is the same Greek word klino.
My friend, it was only at the cross that the Son of Man finally found a place to rest His head. Jesus found His rest in redeeming you, in saving you. He found His rest in loving you.
So beloved, feed on Jesus’ love for you. Listen to sermons or sing songs about His love for you. You will be surprised at how strong it will make you. You will become more than a conqueror, not through your love for Him, but through Him who loves you (Romans 8:37)!

Another Sunday

Well I had another really good Sunday at this new church! I am really enjoying it. I am going to talk to the pastor about getting baptized, but I dont know if I can. The fear of water thing isnt the issue anymore....its my life...and how I live. Anyway, I have not written in the blog for almost the whole week! But I have not forgotten it and I will take better care to post more often in the future. I have been in the Bible and other books about God lately and there just is not enough time in the day to do everything and still live a life!

Todays lesson...Matthew 5;8 Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God. I think this confuses me because I have not been pure of heart ever. I dont think I have been anyway. I dont think I know what that is supposed to mean....And does this mean if you are not pure of heart you will not see God? Dont we all get to see him? At least to be judged??

Bible Reading....

For me, reading the Bible is a daunting task! I simple cannot understand it, even with simpler translations, I really need guidance and study not just reading. I have to STUDY everything because I dont know anything! I have not heard but a few bible stories and I have found the ones I have heard are wrong! Its crazzy!

So yesterday I got some really good bible study books and this morning I spent and hour with one and plan to do another hour before supper.  This bible study books are broke up in sections that are supposed to take an hour but since I am reading it it takes longer. Thats ok. I am thrilled to have the ability to study and understand!! 

I am thinking of a lot of things right now...so I need to relax. Slow down, and not forget to breath! It is just hard for me to do for some reason when it comes to God and learning about Him....Ok I am off to study!!

My For Now Church

So picking a church was so hard today I didnt do it. I decided to wait and drive and see what I found, but my spouse didnt like that idea so he sent me with our mother in law. Long story short, his wife died and her family is still his, I believe this is how God intended it. She is really one of the FEW examples of Christianity I have had in my life. And its not a bad example. I know what she used to be like be like from stories. And I know what I see now. Not a bad example at all! So when I got to her house, way too late to back out I found out her church is an Assembly Of God. If you have read my older posts, you know of my first and hopefully last experience with that church! But it wasnt to be. And I am so very glad! I loved it! It was nothing like the other one. they had study books they use for bible study and I understood it! It was easy to follow and if I do study on my own and have questions, she is a phone call away or I have some religious groups online I can ask! It is awesome!

The first one claimed to be pentecostal, but this one says no, they are different, however Assembly Of God is typically a pentecostal movement type of church it varies how much so from church to church and they cannot claim to be pentecostal. That does not matter, I still dont have to ware a dress and I can watch tv and they have understandable bible study info. I think I am smart enough to see the slant if there is one. I am too curious and dont just take someones word for anything....except Gods.  And I just love to learn about God and am excited to be able to get into the bible with something I can understand. I can go at my own pace until I run out of their old books lol! So less time online and bloging! I cant wait to hear what this wonderful book has to tell me!!

So I think for now, this is where I will be. If I ever do get uncomfortable, I can find another one. But as long as I feel God wants me to be there, I think I will stay. I am glad I had the other experiences and may, from time to time, try another church...but I am happy with my mom in law and I think her church is a good place to start. I wont close off other options yet, but I wont close off staying there either! Like her, I may find I just dont want to leave!

Bible study was on Caleb and his faith....and about doubt...ah, I dont like what I learned about those who doubt, but they didnt just doubt they stopped believing, they quit trusting, they did not WANT to go forward anymore, actually saying they should have stayed in Egypt.....I am quick to back doubt off and careful to turn at once back to belief....

In church we learned happiness does not come unless a happening (an event) happens! also about Gods house and how awesome it must be since each believer has a MANSION in that house! Thats not all for either Sunday school or church....I have to go.

I will go back to church tonight...she is coming and getting me...so I will have more tonight or in the morning.

Once Saved, Always Saved?

I have thrown myself into this debate and tried to make some since out of it!! On my FB page, I have laied out arguments for both sides. That is how I learn, I look at both sides and make my decision...my conclusion is...I dont know. And that is ok. I dont have to know everything right now!! The bible is clear, on both sides. The unforgivable sin looks like it cannot be committed anymore..It was only able to be committed when Jesus walked the Earth in His Human form! So on that note, Noone can take it from you, Once you are saved, you go to heaven.

But God is always a Gentleman, I do not see him forcing anyone to remain His child...If someone is saved and the devil gets them and convinces him or her God does not exist, that person is now a non believer....how can he or she then go to heaven when one of the two requirements is to believe in God and Jesus and that Jesus died for you? If a person who once believed no longer believes, do they go to heaven anyway? ALSO, the second requirement... repentance...If you die IN SIN (example, you are at a casino hotel, you just gambled all your money away, you are with a woman whom is not your wife, You are high, drunk and have a heart attack...) (example, driving drink you hit a car and kill all five occupants and die yourself) how can you repent form that?

But that is also a difference of choice and circumstances...if a person chooses to return the gift, I am unsure as to weather God would take it back or not...A gentleman dosent force someone to accept a gift, but once it is accepted, He likewise never takes it back....So I guess thats my answer for that.....and circumstances, I think that once you are saved you are EXPECTED to mess up...even greatly at times...Christians backslide every day of their lives sometimes! God does punish and discipline His children, but does he remove salvation? I doubt it highly!

It sounds like I have decided once saved always saved, but I think before I make a commitment on the issue I need to meditate and  really think on this some...What I really need to do is STICK TO MILK ISSUES AND LEAVE THIS SOLID FOOD ALONE FOR NOW!! That is much easier said than done..I need  a mentor in this Journey, someone who will tell me to slow down and stick to the easy stuff for now...

How God Introduced Himself to Me

How God introduced Himself to Me (This is about three weeks after the Sally John book thing!)



My husband (I say husband, but we are not actually married, we have been together for almost nine years though) has been very sick for a very long time. At its worst, in the beginning, he was in a coma for a week. It was so horrible and stressful. I didnt have God in my life. I truly didnt know how He could help me. I was so lost and scared. I was surrounded by people and felt so very alone, I was losing the one person who had helped me and loved me and needed me. I couldnt do anything to help and I was so totally devastated. This could not be happening not now. Not yet.


At the time I smoked, so I went outside and was sitting all alone on a bench. It overlooked a pretty walkway and across the street is a playground. This was a weekend and a Sunday school was there. I assume it was a Sunday school, because they started singing. I didnt recognize the tune and couldnt really hear the words well...


About half way through this song I started crying and had no idea why. Suddenly through my tears I felt so perfectly at peace. I knew then I would have more time with my husband and I knew I was not alone. I also knew just that quickly God was with me. In that one moment my entire world changed. I started to notice things immediately but I am getting ahead of my self...


Back to me crying on the bench....I knew I had to find out about God and was finishing my cig, crying and thinking how I could do that. (I do not do well with people. I have panic attacks bad and honestly if I could never leave my home I would be thrilled!!) I came up with nothing...Anyway...This very pretty lady came and sat beside me. She was crying too. She was telling me about her day. She lost a close friend today in a car wreck. She is in an abusive relationship and was looking for a sign to leave him. She was praying as she was across the street at the revival...she looked over at the hospital "thinking if he puts me there will i ever get out?" Her words...and she saw a figure sitting (me) on the bench. She said her gaze lingered on me and she felt compelled to keep looking at me. Then suddenly I started to glow. She said all around me I had a glowing light and she felt forced to come to me and sit and talk to me. We talked for a very long time. Hours. We ate at the hospital. When I was with my husband she was in the waiting room. (Only 15 mins of visit per four hours in ICU.)
She knew God and she was looking for a sign to fulfill Gods wishes for her life. Trust me, God does not want you in an abusive relationship. God knew I needed him even if I knew next to nothing about Him. God chose to reveal Himself to me more fully and more quickly than normal because He knew I needed that to go to Him. God chose that moment to do it because she needed to know He wanted her to be safe...happy...whole..... He knew she needed a special sign and I needed a special assignment...


Without her I dont know that I would be here now even with the rest of it...but that He used me so strongly at the moment he decided I needed to know him...That has to mean something special for me...maybe I can help a lot more people...if I can I gladly will...Even if I have to leave my home and talk to ppl. Gladly, with a smile on my face.


I cannot overlook the fact that in that moment when I believe the light started I knew more about God and Jesus than was ever told to me...I had no way of knowing things I now know to be facts. That means something.


As a previous non believer, all the evidence does point to God...I will not turn my back on Him. He made me feel so loved so completely not alone even when there was noone else there. Since that moment He has proven over and over that He knows what I need and gives it to me. Even when I dont like it. Even when i fight it....He hasnt given up on me so I cant give up on Him.
Thats also why I kinda agree that maybe I dont need to understand it all right now..It will come...Gosh, that one moment...It was so amazingly perfect. I know what I felt was Heaven...I was given one brief moment of perfect utopia!! I want that. I need that. I will not give that moment up for anyone or anything.

 Thats also why I kinda agree that maybe I dont need to understand it all right now..It will come...Gosh, that one moment...It was so amazingly perfect. I know what I felt was Heaven...I was givin one brief moment of perfect utopia!! I want that. I need that. I will not give that moment up for anyone or anything.

As To God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit...

Ok, if you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I have had problems with this! I told you I would do research and try to figure this out..and I have...With the help of friends and mentors I have come to some new conclusions! My previous thoughts of God being a family name is totally wrong!!

- The bible says is John 10:30: " I and my father are one" this is not a numerical one, Jesus is not saying he is the father. they are not one person but in nature they are a united one. It actually reads we are one in Greek the first person plural esmen . 

And then, when Jesus dies, He is separated from God and how can you separate from yourself? Ok, So I ask my friend this and she says you cant but God can. That is ok with me! I already accept God can do a lot of stuff I cant do! like be everywhere at once, read minds and hear everyones prayers at once!

So she came up with... There is only one God, but He manifests Himself in three persons, whom we call the Trinity. I LOVED that! but then I read..."The doctrine of the Trinity does not on one hand assert that three persons are united as one person, or three beings in one being, or three Gods in one God (tritheism); nor on the other hand that God merely manifests himself in three different ways (modal Trinity of manifestations); but rather that there are three eternal distinctions in the substance of God." So now I am worse off than when I started! At least when  I started I have a theory. I knew it was most likely not correct but I had one!

In case you have not figured this out yet, I am writing this as I am doing the research... My thought process is important to this important subject! And I learned my lesson from the creation vs evelotuion one!! I should have done all of that one and not stopped in the middle...it made the whole post seam unfinished!

- The Trinity is not three substances but three persons existing simultaneously, which are the one essence.

-  These person's are not separate from the essence, they subsist in it. (I had to look up subsist, it confused me so I figured I had the meaning of the word wrong it means...1 to exist; continue in existence. 2. to remain alive; live, as on food, resources, etc.)

-  Nor are there three essences that would make them three God's.

-  God is tri-une as persons but in nature one God. As Athanasius coined the phrase "not dividing the substance nor confusing the persons."

- If God were deduced to a mathematical formulae he would not be 1+1+1=3 which would be tritheism, but would be 1x1x1=1, a unified one. None of the persons can exist without the other, they all make up the one God in unity. that each person dwells in the other two which makes God indivisible and unquantifiable, so that wherever one of the persons of God is, all of God is there.(again, how do you separate from yourself...again...I trust God does lots of things we as humans cannot do!)

- God cannot be divided, he is one God in his nature but three in persons. Its not a matter of opinion because this is the only conclusion one can come to from the overall body of literature in the scripture. All three are called God, the Father calls the Son God in Heb.1 the Son calls the Father God. All three simultaneously exist. 

Well I still dont get it. I truly do not. Look for another post on this matter in the future...for now I have decided that I cannot understand this...it is like the whole milk thing...as a young (not in age but in time spent as a ) christian, I need to be feeding on milk, and this issue is solid food, not milk, I think it is that I have to understand a lot of other important things before I can get this thing...As I grow and mature in Christ, these harder lessons will come, but that does not mean give up or that I shouldnt seek to learn these issues...


And then another friend said...Think of it like this; water takes the form of mist/steam, snow/ice, rain/water.... But, it's all still water, right? All are totally different; but still water. just different forms....Reducing God to water is just wrong, but it shows, here on earth, how one thing can be three things and how three things can be one thing...This I can get, I can understand, and I will learn more about it later when its time!


This is added a few hours after this is originally posted and helped me greatly.... 

The Trinities in Nature

People already believe in trinities. They just don't know they do. Here is how. Basically, the universe consists of three elements: Time, Space, and Matter. Each of these is comprised of three 'components.'
Time     Past     Present     Future
Space     Height     Width     Depth
Matter     Solid     Liquid     Gas

With time, for example, the past is not the same as the present, which is not the same as the future. Each is simultaneous (according to some time theorists). Yet, they are not three 'times' but one. That is, they all share the same nature: time.

With space, height is distinct from width, which is not the same as depth, which is is not the same as height. Yet, they are not three 'spaces' but one. That is, they all share the same nature: space.

With matter, solid is not the same as liquid, which is not the same as gas, which is not the same as solid. Yet, they are not three 'matters' but one. That is, they all share the same nature: matter.

Courage...

    As a new Christian I not only want to SET a good example of what people see, I want to LIVE a good example of my whole life. I do not want to be a do as I say not as I do Christian. I want for every action and thought I have to be worthy. That is unrealistic but it is a good thing to strive for....Being a new christian is not easy by any means! I am always questioning everything I do and think. Is this a christian thought? Should I say something? Should I do or not do this? One thing I am glad does not need changing is the way I dress. Because of things in my past I have always dressed modestly. Jeans and baggy shirts although I am waring more blouses now instead of just T-shirts! Never dresses. I do think I need to start waring a few dresses, I think I will start looking for a cut one but you can bet it will go past my elbows and almost to my ankles. That is just me and always has been.

My favorite color has always been orange. I never ware it because I dont like looking like a caution cone walking down the road lol. But when I think of orange I think of lions and when I think of lions I think of courage! For me orange has always been associated with courage. I have never thought of myself as courageous. Not ever, in fact, quite the opposite! But that is changing rapidly! It takes TONS of courage to sit down at a table of atheists and pray before you eat! (which I dont do every time and is hard for me to remember....I am learning and it will become second nature soon enough! God knows my heart and is fine tuning me slowly and quickly at the same time!) It takes courage to believe in God and to know Jesus when sin is all around you, being surrounded by sin and having it dominate your life is a hard place for a christian to be let me tell you!! It takes a bunch of courage to tell my friend I dont want to do something I used to do all the time because it would hurt God. It takes a lot of courage to want to change so completely and totally! To let God work His wonders in my life. It takes courage to trust and believe in something that you have never known. To let His will be done in my life is unbelievably amazing. It is painful too. Noone said this was easy! Oh no, its not! I have already lost friends who do not approve of my new life. Thats OK. God will give me more friends who love Him like I do...it still hurts....


As a new christian, my morals and my values are changing minuet by minuet!! The more I learn the more I change....it is really amazing!

Yet I still have moments of doubt, being so new its not surprising.  Being raised an atheist and having believed that all my life until recently it is to be expected I suppose...  But it is hard to talk about, when you have fleeting moments of doubt and more so when they linger a while. Its not shameful or uncommon. I have been told if you dont have doubts, there is usually a problem, and its usually with honesty! I dont know the truth of that statement but I liked it and it helped me so I take it at face value!

Store Treasures In Heaven Not On Earth!

Jesus said to store up treasures in Heaven instead of here on Earth. Ok, I admit I dont know anything about this. The first time I heard anything about this was extremely recently! And it confused me so very much I think we both kinda gave up. I decided it is not something I needed to know now, it would come later. But I dont want to talk about what it means for after death anyway.... I want to talk about something Earthly. Hoarders. One reason hoarders hoard I think is because their soul feels it has no treasures for heaven and they try to fill that void here on Earth probably never knowing this! They instinctively know they need treasures but dont know the truth of what they really need.

I have known hoarders. This fits the bill from my point of view.....It may be very different but I just had thought...And I think of my little "collections". I have a Taz collection. I have teddy bears, and clowns....I wonder if this is why...so naturally I have to do some studying on this too!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, when you graduated you DID NOT STOP STUDYING AND LEARNING, READING AND NOTE TAKING. As a christian you HAVE to constantly be reading the Bible and other books....remember your devoted time to God...you should approach that time like the hardest school subject you ever had....For me, as a new christian, I find this very true, it may not be so dyer as you mature...but then again, since you will NEVER know everything about God, it may not change....

Ok sorry, back to hoarding...so I have my little collections and taz is my fav. I seriously have it in a locked  room. yes. seriously. I have spent many many years on it and so have friends! My clowns are really kinda mean cause I keep them because some people are afraid of them. My dad started me on it when I was a child. I dont have many and they are not overtly displayed in my home....My teddy bears remind me of cute cuddly safe feelings you know? So do i have these because I know I should be gathering treasures for after death? Is that even the right phrasing? after physical death maybe better? What are those treasures and how do you get them? Well I am told it is your "good deeds" on earth. If you convert people. If you do the right things at the right times....and it earns rewards later? I dont fully grasp this concept. Because doesnt the bible aslo say that your heart when doing these deeds are judged as well...like if you do good deeds just because you will later be rewarded, it does not count?? so why even preach aobut it?? Those are wooden treasures and worthless to God. the jewles on the crown are good deeds and the crown is I dont know....I still dont think I am ready for this yet. but I wanted to get this thought out....

Does God Care What I Look Like?

I have a friend who is quickly becoming very dear to me. She has started a diet and exercise program and she lost her first ten pounds! I was so pleased for her and I wanted to encourage her. I looked for what ten pounds really was... Large watermelon
Large bag of sugar or flour
A sack of potatoes
1.25 gallons of milk
Three two-liters of soda
A holiday ham or turkey
All these things are about ten pounds!! So I told her that she stopped carrying around all these things and wasnt it great!?

It got me to thinking.... And I wonder why my back hurts all the time and my ankle and  why I cant run or walk far. I wonder why I am always tired! I am fat. Not just a little fat but really really fat!! Well there are people larger than I am, but when I look in a mirror I cringe. When I get dressed, I am so disgusted... That got me to thinking about does God care what I look like? I dont think He does but at the same time, I do think he does. He wants me to be the best I can be, how can I do His work if I am always tired and in pain? He wants us to be healthy! The bible does say that your body is a temple to God. I think He wants you to be healthy but I dont think he cares that I am fat. I dont think he cares if you cut your hair although my hair is super long, I dont think the length of ones hair matters much. He would prefer if you not mark your body up, but I dont think he cares that I got a tattoo when I was younger...or that I have pierced ears. The bible says dress modestly but I dont think it matters much to God what you look like. For me though, I am getting healthier because I think God wants me to be healthy and treat my body right, including what I eat and when I exercise. I dont cut my hair because I have always loved my hair long. I wouldnt get another tattoo because I know the bible says not to, but I dont think having one will omit me from heaven! I have always dressed modestly but I dont think what you have one your body will prevent you from finding God. Now, once you find him and start a real relationship with him that will change, it just will....you wont know it untill you look at something in your closet and say ewww I wore that?? I have never worn makeup, but that does not mean its wrong for someone else...I dont do it because I never have.

God does not care how you come to him, just that you do. God has a plan for everyone. My life and my experiences do not lend to some things that may be very different for you. A friend goes clubbing all the time and wont even talk about God to me because she likes her music and the way she dresses. I went to youtube and showed her music in her style that praises God and told her that Gods plan for her may include the clubs and ministering there, the way she dresses may not have to change much if that is the case. And it is not required anyway. At least not yet that I have found. Remember I am new and still have not read the whole bible much less figured it out. Learning about God is a lifetime excursion! If you embark on this journey as I have you will learn something every single day for the rest of your life and you will never know it all!!

Now me losing wight is not something I am going to be blogging about, well I dont think I will be. It really hasnt made it to my heart yet like God has, it dont drive me yet...I am eating healthier for a while and I am losing wight but not much because I dont exercise with it...but all that JUNK not going in to begin with works wonders! I dont think God will turn any person away based on what they look like on the outside...it is FAR more important what your soul and heart look like to God....

Church!! Yeah!! And Fears....

Today I chose a Southern Baptist church. Now I am not skipping around, I am going in order they are to my original choice back home then I will go back away...So this church was really good. I went earlier than I thought I needed to but I was still five mins late for Sunday school. Oops, but I was not planning on going to Sunday school so I was almost an hour and a half early for church lol!!I am so very glad I did! The adult Sunday  school was in the middle (lesson six of twelve) of a video study thing I guess it was designed for use in Sunday schools. Anyway, it is by a Chip Ingram. Spelling may be wrong. It was called Why I  Believe. Anyway I learned that in the Old Testament over three hundred predictions of the coming Messiah. I learned that the odds of one man doing just eight were comparable to  filling the state of Texas with half dollars marking one trowing it in and asking a blind folded man to pick the one that was marked.....Jesus fulfilled every one of them! How awesome is that?

I also learned what I am officially called. I am called an "extra grace required" friend! I always have been. The thoughts in my head tend to take strolls out my mouth before checking with my brain first and it has got me in some trouble before! whew! man! I am also what is known as socially awkward. Well I have a big fear of people so this is to be expected, I have intentionally not learned how to interact with "normal" people to "protect" myself by not having to be around people. If I act weird which I really do, noone wants to hang out. and few people do...So I am always doing stupid things and not even knowing I am doing anything wrong. I think this is causing my continued fear of people. If they get to know me, they really wont like me... AND God is telling me YET AGAIN to read the bible. not just before bed, I need to get at it, get off the computer games and start reading the bible. I dont think I can memorize it but I sure can try! And it was suggested I start with John and that is actually where I am at.Look for a study tips post soon! And I need to look up some things so I may be posting about that also!

The Sunday school went real well. Like I said, I was late. they had started already and I left right after. The church part of church went better than last time for sure!! I am much more happy than last week, still dont think this is my "home" church but thats ok! They seamed to sense that I didnt like the hugging and so they, for the most part, were happy to just shake my hand rather than hug me. I still felt like my personal bubble kept getting popped but it was so much easier to handle! God is working miracles in my life for sure! And quickly! A few of the older ladies did not get the clue and hugged me but it was surprisingly not very bad for me emotionally, I mean. I even kinda felt comforted like I dont really know, like it wasnt near what it by all rights should have been, but it wasnt easy either....It was definitely manageable! They sang like five songs, but didnt repeat any! The words to the songs were in pamphlets that they make each week so no song books laying around which was nice not to have to flip through lol. and it had a little study guide fill in the blank thing for the sermon to come so i looked up the chapter and verse before service and bookmarked it. I liked not fumbling trying to catch up to where they are and figure out how much i missed looking for it lol. The verses, Acts 8;26-40. Ok. confession. I dont sing so i read it while they were singing. I thought It was going to be about baptism. But they only did the fitst part so why they marked to 40 i dont know they only went to 31 I think. So I said that for a reason..ok...I thought it was going to be about baptism and I notice...a thing the size of a hot tub up front. I freak. I have many fears and water is one of them... I dont swim I dont take a bath, shower only...even doing dishes can get tricky sometimes depending on the day..and I immediately think duh! This is a Baptist church. the name itself tells you they put an emphasis on baptism.  I know the bible tells us we need to get baptized and Jesus did as well, but when he speaks of it, it seams like its more important to happen in the soul, a new spirit fills you. So is water baptism really important? Oh I love this...I wasnt sure so I asked a friend and one of his friends said something I will never forget! Just hold your breath and have faith. If you cannot trust God to preserve you for ten seconds how can you possibly have faith God will be with you for the rest of your life, and then Eternity??!! How awesome is that!! So yes I will let God work in my life here too.

I know I have a lot of fears. But I just keep remembering that post form earlier about how fear does not come from God. He dont even put fear of evil in us. 

So, over all, really good day and I am pleased. I learned a lot and have some studying to do. But this will not become my "home" church. I want somewhere I can jump in and help out and learn and be a part of the church not just attend. They seamed like they didnt need help anywhere...so I will keep looking. Besides I want to really look and compare and make the best decision for me, not just settle with the first one that didnt push me too far you know...

Praying and Some Sidetracks...

I am so excited! It is Saturday! Tomorrow is Sunday! That means I get to find a new church! I hope I get to hear some preaching unlike last week! I will not be going back to that church for sure! I have been thinking a lot about praying. I find it difficult to remember throughout my day to take a moment and thank God no matter what it is. I stub my toe? Instead of cursing I should be jumping around like an idiot praising God that I get to make someone laugh. Did I spill taco sauce on my shirt during lunch and I have an important meeting to get to real soon? Instead of driving myself crazy, I should thank God for reminding me that what I look like isnt near as important as what I show He looks like in my new life. Did I get caught in the rain? Instead of being mad I forgot my umbrella and wondering why me I should be thanking God for showing me that He loves me, because that rainbow is a promise to US. Is my mom sick and in the hospital (yes, she actually is and has been for three months and has over a year to go!) In stead of getting mad at God, I should be thanking Him that i still have her and that He is with her. When my life gets frustrating it is easy to turn to God and be mad and have angry words and thoughts. But it shouldnt be like that. When things go right it is SO VERY EASY to turn to God and say thank you! It should be that easy when life throughs us a curve...When things are bad it is easy to think God dosent care He dont love me. He dont exist. This last one is real hard for me being an athiest for all my life until very recently. It is so easy to revert back to my old beliefs. Honestly it is quick to jump out at me and say "Hey! your stinking thinking is back! better adjust it!"  Blaming God is so easy but praising him is not. That is changing for me but I think it is something I will always battle to some degree.


My mind wandering again lol. Back to thinking about praying... hmmm Maybe that detour in thought was for a reason, Is there something I am still blaming Him for that I dont realize and it is making it hard for me to pray? That is something I will examine and meditate on today...OK again, back to praying....So what to pray and how to do it? I dont know. I tend to talk to him like He is siting next to me and He is my best friend. I find thats not the best. I tend to just jump in and I forget He is God. I should always start a prayer with Dear Lord...not like I often do, Hey God guess what just happended? like He wasnt there lol. after that what is said and how it is said is a very personal matter for each individual. BUT you cannot be focused on you. yes pray for wisdom of His word and knowledge of what His plan for your live is, that is focused on Him not you. but you want a job? dont focus on which job you want. Focus on what God wants your life to look like to best let Him shine. Focus on which job best supports your beliefs. can a christian work in a bar or casino? well i am sure that yes they can. But is it the best God wants of you? How will God work there? Make a plan show God and see what he says, If you dont get that job on Wall Street you want so badly know that God knows if you take that perticular job you may compromise your morals, you will get the next job! God always has a plan.

Is your coworker being rude or mean? Pray for them to have a change of heart. Keep doing it. Do it twenty times a day if need be. do I want a new outfit? forget it, dont pray for that!  pray that others have clothes. Am I sick? Pray for healing! but also pray for anyone else who is sick too... dont forget to thank Him for every little thing! He love to hear thanks! Praise Him and tell Him you love Him!!

And how it ends is always amen. What does amen mean? Several things. def one and two are important here...

1. it is so; so be it (used after a prayer, creed, or other formal statement to express solemn ratification or agreement).

2. verily; truly.

3. an utterance of the interjection “amen.”.

4. a musical setting for such an utterance.

5.  an expression of concurrence or assent

So in the middle I never want something that will make God cry or hurt Him in any way. If i end my prayers with "so be it" I cant have it be for something that hurts His image. This is expecally true for me. I am a new christian surrounded by atheists. I have to set the very best example so God shines in my life and hopefully lead others to Him! 

As I have said before If I ever post something you know to be wrong please let me know. I am doing this so I can learn and so others may learn too. I do not want to have wrong beliefs. And I surely do not want to teach anyone anything wrong....

At the store today...

    O.K. So, I am at the store today and I run into an old friend....I havnt seen this girl since high school and that was wow that was almost two decades ago!! She was crying in her car and I didnt recognize her. But she got all cleaned up and got out about the same time I did and we kinda bumped into each other. She recognizes me. And she proceeds to tell me all about her life which is great we were pretty good friends until we just lost touch. She gets to her kids who are living in sin and using drugs and alcohol and her husband who is gambling and looking at porn. Ok. thats more information than I need but again, I get it, I dont know any of these people, her husband or children..so needs someone to talk to. I notice she has a cross neclase and I ask her if she wants to pray....thats the first time I have ever asked someone that too....the first time I have initiated prayer in public. Thats just for your information. So she does and so we pray in the parking lot at market basket! It was great. But when we were done I had in my heart some thoughts that were not mine. Things that I have never thought before. I told her. "I am sorry but I have in my heart some thoughts that I have to share with you. I dont know why because these are not my thoughts or words. I am not trying to pry or tell you what to do. But I have to tell you this. You shouldnt tell all your friends and family about all of this. Of course you need advice but pick just a few. And this is why...When you tell you friends and family about your problems with your spouse or children, they have feelings aobut what you say. You may get over it and work it out, go to therapy or just let God fix it if its not that serious, You may or may not forgive you spouse of child or whomever, but how does your friend forgive it? how can your mother look with love at your husband who is her son now when she knows he does these things and it hurts you so? You are asking your friends to choose sides, oh I know you dont say the words or have that intent but how can they not take a side when they see you in such pain?"

She just broke down and cried right there. She said she was thinking of talking to her mom who loves very much her husband...and the God was telling her to think about it a little more. Now I want to know how that got in my head?!?! I have never ever considered that or thought of it. It has never been a problem for me to talk to my friends and family about my problems.  And when I am in a situation like that, the one I am mad at is often not in my thoughts to protect! So how did that even come to me. There is no way for those words to be in my head....and I know beyond a doubt what I said was the truth and I will always follow that now as well....but HOW did it come to me??

Creationism vs Evolution

For me, this was and is very serious! All the feel good/do good stuff with God is all fine and good. But my whole like I was told I am a glorified monkey! And quite frankly I have felt like it also! I was told Bozo was my uncle and I believed it...I mean science said its true so it must be, right? Well, that may  not be what science says. The big bang theory is just that A THEORY!! I have another theory for you and it have been scientifically prove, as much as the Big Bang Theory has been....

Do you remember Albert Einstein? How about his theory of relativity? He proved time is relative to speed...from the point of view you are looking at time....well, The Genesis Code, is a theory that "proves" science and the bible align. It suggests that God sees the passage of time differently than we do on earth, that made a lot of sense to me. the whole movie did....the movie is called The Genesis Code as well. it proves that what the bible said happened each day actually happened in a specific passage of time....in each passage the size of the universe doubled and things happened. it stops in day six. but God says he rested on day seven. and apparently we have not got there yet.

In researching this theory for this blog and a friend...I have found that the Creationists have major problems with this theory as well. For me, it no longer matters. And that happened while I was researching this. I do recommend the movie if you have problems with this area, it helped me get my head around the possibility and lead me to a conclusion I am loving. The bible is very literal, it also speaks in riddles much of the time....I know there is a scientific explanation, we are just not that smart yet....For me, I have decided it does not matter, I stand with God and the bible. Science no longer plays a role in it. God says everything was done in seven days...so it was. This was one explanation that i needed and got, weather it is right or not it does not matter. I know the truth and I dont think i need to define why anymore....


Everyone used to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Earth was flat...that they could fall off the edge of it. There are people who believe in evolution and people who don't. There was once a time when an airplane was a fantasy. Someone will have a problem no matter what the theory is. Watch the movie and decide for yourself. At the very least it may open some doors you dont even know are closed yet....In all this time, theory's have changed, but the bible has not. knowledge has changed but the bible has not. 

Getting Discouraged

I am getting discouraged. It seams like the more I want to learn about God the more He is pulling away from me. You know it reminds me of how when God closes doors He does so for a reason, you are worth more than where that door will lead you, He only closes doors when He has a MUCH better plan for you. It seams to me that He keeps repeatedly closing the door on Himself to me....now I know thats not true. God is available to EVERYONE, but I ask for help and no one seams to hear....I look stuff up and it just confuses me more...I am frustrated and kinda mad right now. So, ok. maybe He is going to send a special teacher to me who will really get ME and help me the best to get closer to God. Maybe he is preventing me from learning something I will get confused on greatly and give up. Maybe he just wants to make me fight for Him just a little because he NEVER STOPPED FIGHTING FOR ME WHEN I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIM!!

All I know is that there IS a reason for it, and althougth I may never understand it, it will be ok, God has even this under control...I am going to give it a rest for a few hours then start fresh later....